I thought my husband would be furious when he learned what our daughter\u2019s first boyfriend had said to her. Instead, he calmly invited the boy to dinner. I couldn\u2019t understand his plan, especially when he treated Tyler like an ordinary guest. What was my husband hoping to accomplish?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I found my daughter sitting on the edge of the bathtub, razor in hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEmma? Sweetheart, what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She quickly lowered the razor, but I could see she\u2019d been crying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom, is it normal for girls to have so much hair on their arms?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf course it is, honey. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma rubbed her forearm with her thumb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTyler said mine look like a man\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stared at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe said I should shave them because it\u2019s embarrassing when we hold hands at school.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wanted to grab my phone and call his mother immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Emma caught my wrist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPlease, Mom. Don\u2019t tell her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEmma, he had no right to say that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know. Just please don\u2019t make it worse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow would I make it worse?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her eyes filled again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want him to break up with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That hurt more than anything Tyler had said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma was 15, and Tyler was her first boyfriend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They\u2019d been dating for about two months, and until that Friday, my husband, Daniel, and I genuinely liked him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler was polite, always greeted us properly, and once helped Daniel carry groceries without being asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now my daughter was considering shaving her arms because he was ashamed to hold her hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I took the razor gently and set it on the counter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHave you ever wanted to shave your arms before?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She shook her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen you don\u2019t have to start.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut what if he thinks I\u2019m gross?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEmma, there is nothing wrong with your arms.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She nodded, but I could tell she didn\u2019t believe me yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That evening, she came downstairs wearing a thick, long-sleeved sweatshirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our house was warm enough that Daniel had opened the kitchen window.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAren\u2019t you hot, honey?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few minutes later, he asked whether everything was okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma insisted she was fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when she started pulling her sleeves over her hands, Daniel asked again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEm, something\u2019s bothering you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looked at me, then told him what Tyler had said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel listened without interrupting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waited for him to get angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead, he asked, \u201cHoney, did you want to shave your arms before he said that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma shook her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen don\u2019t let someone else make that decision for you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He kissed her forehead and carried the dishes to the sink.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I followed him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s it?\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat else does she need from me right now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMaybe for you to be upset?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI am upset. But she\u2019s already embarrassed. I\u2019m not going to make it worse by starting a fight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next morning, I heard Daniel speaking on the phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSunday around six? Great. We\u2019ll see you then, Tyler.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waited until he hung up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPlease tell me you didn\u2019t just invite that boy over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI invited him to dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDaniel, please tell me you\u2019re not planning to embarrass that boy in front of Emma.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m not going to embarrass anybody,\u201d he said. \u201cJust make sure we have enough food for four.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why invite him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause Emma\u2019s scared that standing up for herself will cost her something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd dinner fixes that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo. But maybe it can help her understand what she\u2019s afraid of losing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma wasn\u2019t thrilled when we told her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you tell him I cried?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Daniel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you going to yell at him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen what\u2019s the point?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s someone you\u2019ve brought into your life. I\u2019d like to get to know him better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She frowned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re being weird, Dad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s been your opinion for years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She almost smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On Sunday evening, Tyler arrived with a bag of cookies from the grocery store.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHi, Mrs. Miller,\u201d he said. \u201cMy mom said not to show up empty-handed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat was thoughtful. Thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wore a blue sweatshirt despite the mild weather.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma came downstairs in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When Tyler saw her, he smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They stood awkwardly together until Daniel called us to the table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the first 20 minutes, dinner was ordinary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler talked about a science project. Daniel asked about basketball. Emma gradually relaxed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then Tyler reached for the bread, and his sleeve slid up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He pulled it down immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was such a quick movement that I barely noticed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you cold?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re always wearing that sweatshirt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler shrugged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI like it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel passed him the potatoes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNothing wrong with that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We kept eating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A little later, Daniel asked Emma about an art assignment she\u2019d mentioned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She had to draw a portrait of someone important to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWho are you drawing?\u201d Tyler asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy mom, probably.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s brave,\u201d Daniel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I raised an eyebrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou know how much she hates photographs of herself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOnly because you take them when I\u2019m eating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel smiled, then turned to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid your mom ever tell you why she hated having her picture taken when we first met?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I knew where he was going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Emma said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel glanced at me, giving me the chance to stop him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hesitated, then set down my fork.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen I was about your age, I dated a boy who didn\u2019t like my smile.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma frowned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYour smile?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe said my front teeth looked too big. He thought I should smile with my mouth closed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt sounds ridiculous now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at Daniel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut I spent years covering my mouth when I laughed. Even after we broke up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma stared at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou never told me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI hadn\u2019t thought about it in a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid Dad know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe noticed I never smiled in pictures. Eventually, I told him why.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel reached for my hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd I told her I thought her smile was the best thing about her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSeveral times,\u201d I added.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Tyler had stopped eating. He was staring at his plate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel didn\u2019t ask him what he thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He simply said, \u201cIt\u2019s strange how one person\u2019s opinion can stick with us long after that person stops mattering.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The conversation moved on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler was quieter for the rest of dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After dessert, Emma helped me put away the leftovers while Daniel and Tyler carried the dishes to the kitchen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I heard Daniel asking about Tyler\u2019s next basketball game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When Tyler left, Emma walked him to the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She returned looking disappointed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEverything okay?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid he apologize?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looked surprised.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo. Why would he? You didn\u2019t tell him anything.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I glanced toward Daniel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMaybe he needs to hear it from me,\u201d Emma said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel stopped wiping the counter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s your decision, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTell him what he said to you and how it made you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat if he says he was only being honest?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen decide what that honesty tells you about him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That night, I found Daniel folding dish towels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou planned the story about my teeth,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI hoped you\u2019d be willing to tell it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou could have warned me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re right. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I leaned against the counter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you think Tyler understood?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen what was the point?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEmma heard you say someone made you ashamed of your smile. And she heard you say you don\u2019t feel that way anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe needed to know she won\u2019t have to carry this forever,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next afternoon, Emma came home unusually quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She dropped her backpack and went upstairs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I found her sitting on her bed, staring at her phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid something happen?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTyler wants to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAbout Friday?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think so.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She showed me his message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan we talk tomorrow? I need to explain something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you going to?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then she surprised me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom, did you stay with that boy after he said your teeth were ugly?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFor a little while.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause I thought being someone\u2019s girlfriend meant trying to make them happy. I didn\u2019t understand that making him happy wasn\u2019t supposed to make me miserable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma considered that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid he apologize?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEventually.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you forgive him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI stopped being angry. But I didn\u2019t want to date him anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She picked at a loose thread on her blanket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI really like Tyler.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd he was nice before.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know that too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looked at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan somebody be nice and still hurt you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf course. What matters is whether they take responsibility and whether you feel comfortable telling them they\u2019ve hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The following day, Emma came home with more questions than answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She and Tyler had talked after school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe said some boys on the basketball team were making jokes,\u201d she told me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAbout what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy arms.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt my anger rise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTyler said one of them noticed when we were holding hands. They started teasing him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid he tell them to stop?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma shook her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe laughed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I closed my eyes briefly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe said he didn\u2019t think it was a big deal until they kept bringing it up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd that\u2019s when he asked you to shave?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma twisted her fingers together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe said he didn\u2019t mean to make me cry. He just wanted them to leave us alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat did you tell him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat I wasn\u2019t the one making jokes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe didn\u2019t really answer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She hesitated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen he said I didn\u2019t understand what it\u2019s like when everybody keeps staring at something about you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat did he mean?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know. He wouldn\u2019t explain.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the next few days, Emma and Tyler barely spoke outside school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stopped checking her phone constantly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She also stopped wearing the heavy sweatshirt around the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then, on Friday, Emma came home looking troubled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom, can I ask you something without you getting mad?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll try.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTyler has something on his arms.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRed patches. I saw them when he took off his sweatshirt in gym. He said it\u2019s eczema.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe told me some boys have been making fun of it since last year. They call his arms gross.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt my understanding shift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma sat across from me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe wears long sleeves because he doesn\u2019t want anybody looking.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat must be difficult for him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stared at her own forearms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom, he knows what it feels like.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t have to ask what she meant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe knows how much it hurts when somebody says something mean about your body. So why would he say that to me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know, sweetheart. But it\u2019s a fair question.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you think he wanted me to feel as bad as he does?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot necessarily. Sometimes people are so afraid of being embarrassed that they hurt someone else trying to protect themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not fair.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, it isn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma sat quietly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then she said, \u201cI want to ask him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That weekend, Tyler called and asked if he could come over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma agreed, but only after checking that Daniel and I would be home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler arrived looking nervous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We sat in the living room. Daniel and I took the couch while Emma and Tyler sat opposite us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma had asked us to stay, but she wanted to speak first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTyler, I need to know something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you really think my arms were ugly?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked at the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why did you say they looked like a man\u2019s?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He swallowed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause the guys kept talking about them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou already told me that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma waited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler rubbed his palms against his jeans.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey\u2019ve been messing with me about my skin for a long time. Every time I think they\u2019ve forgotten, somebody starts again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He pulled up one sleeve slightly, revealing irritated patches along his forearm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI hate when people look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma glanced at his arm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo you thought they\u2019d stop teasing you if I shaved mine?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI figured if there wasn\u2019t anything else for them to talk about, they\u2019d leave us alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut they were making fun of you before we even started dating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel leaned forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTyler, can I ask you something?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf Emma told you she was embarrassed to hold your hand because of your skin, how would you feel?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler\u2019s face reddened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPretty bad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat would you want her to do if her friends made jokes about your arms?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTell them to stop.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019d want too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For several seconds, nobody spoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then Tyler looked at Emma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She didn\u2019t respond immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI really am. I didn\u2019t think about how it would make you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma\u2019s voice was quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou said it was embarrassing to hold my hand.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI went home and got my mom\u2019s razor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler looked up sharply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was going to shave my arms because I thought you wouldn\u2019t like me anymore if I didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His eyes filled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEmma, I didn\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s because you didn\u2019t ask what I wanted.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wiped his face with his sleeve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma glanced at Daniel, then back at Tyler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI feel bad about what those boys have been saying to you. Nobody should make you feel gross because of your skin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut you made me feel exactly the same way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd I don\u2019t want to be with somebody who\u2019s embarrassed by me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tyler went still.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you breaking up with me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma\u2019s eyes filled with tears, but she didn\u2019t look away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He lowered his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a moment, I thought he\u2019d argue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead, he said, \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He apologized again before leaving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma watched through the window as he walked down the driveway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then she turned around and cried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel opened his arms, and she went straight to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI still like him,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why does breaking up feel so awful?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause making the right decision doesn\u2019t always make it easy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sat beside them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma wiped her cheeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you think I was mean?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said. \u201cYou were honest about what you need.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the next two weeks, Emma was quieter than usual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She missed Tyler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes she wondered whether she\u2019d been too hard on him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel never told her she was wrong to miss him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He reminded her that caring about someone didn\u2019t require staying in a relationship that made her feel small.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then something happened at school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma came home one afternoon and found me folding laundry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom, Tyler stood up for me today.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOne of the boys from his team made another joke about my arms.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat did Tyler do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe told him to knock it off.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma sat on the bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe boy laughed and said Tyler was being sensitive. Tyler told him he\u2019d been a jerk about it too, and he wasn\u2019t doing that anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow did that make you feel?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGood.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She thought for a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd kind of sad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause I wish he\u2019d said it before I cried in the bathroom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sat beside her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat makes sense.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI told him thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat was kind of you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe asked if we could start over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI told him I\u2019m glad he stood up for me, but I don\u2019t want to date again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow did he take it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe said he understood.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looked down at her bare arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think he really is trying to be better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe might be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut I don\u2019t have to be his girlfriend to be happy about that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, sweetheart. You don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That evening, Daniel found Emma at the kitchen table, working on her art assignment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She\u2019d decided to draw my portrait after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the picture, I was laughing with my mouth wide open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Daniel studied it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou got your mom\u2019s smile exactly right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma grinned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe used to hide it, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI remember.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She set down her pencil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDad?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you know Tyler was going to tell us about his arms when you invited him to dinner?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo. I didn\u2019t know anything about that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why were you so calm?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause I knew you were watching how we handled it. I didn\u2019t want you to think loving somebody meant shouting at them until they agreed with you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emma considered that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid you want me to break up with him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI wanted you to know you had a choice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEven if I still liked him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEspecially then.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few days later, Emma came downstairs wearing a short-sleeved shirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She\u2019d worn it before, of course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But this time, she wasn\u2019t tugging at the sleeves or studying her arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She grabbed an apple and headed for the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLove you, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLove you too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I watched her leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I looked at the portrait she\u2019d finished and placed on the refrigerator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In it, I was laughing without covering my mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And for the first time in weeks, my daughter had walked out of the house without trying to hide any part of herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So here\u2019s the real question: If your daughter\u2019s first boyfriend made her feel ashamed of her appearance but later sincerely apologized and changed his behavior, would you encourage her to give him another chance or support her decision to end the relationship?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you enjoyed reading this story, here\u2019s another one you might like: My sister destroyed my wedding dress an hour before the ceremony and watched me put it on anyway. She thought the stains and torn lace would ruin my day, but minutes after I walked down the aisle, my mother noticed something in the damage. What did she recognize?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I thought my husband would be furious when he learned what our daughter\u2019s first boyfriend had said to her. Instead, he calmly invited the boy to dinner. I couldn\u2019t understand his plan, especially when he treated Tyler like an ordinary guest. What was my husband hoping to accomplish? I found my daughter sitting on the …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":24016,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24015","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24015","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=24015"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24015\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":24017,"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24015\/revisions\/24017"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/24016"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=24015"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=24015"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cehre.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=24015"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}