Expert tells parents to ask baby’s consent when changing diapers
An Australian “sexuality educator” has ignited a fierce global debate after suggesting that parents should seek permission from their infants before changing their diapers. The proposal, which aims to instill a “culture of consent” from birth, has polarized the online community, drawing both professional support and scathing ridicule—including one netizen’s pointed query about whether it is also necessary to get “consent from your cat to change its litter tray.”
In an era where parenting philosophies are evolving at breakneck speed, the concept of consent is penetrating increasingly unexpected territory. While the idea of asking a non-verbal infant for permission to clean a soiled nappy might sound impractical—if not outright absurd—to the uninitiated, Deanne Carson argues that the practice is a vital developmental cornerstone.
Carson, a speaker and author who specializes in sexuality education, contends that the process is less about receiving a formal verbal “yes” and more about establishing a foundation for body autonomy and respectful boundaries as early as possible.
Building a Foundation of Agency
According to Carson, a culture of consent must begin at the very start of life to emphasize respect for a child’s body. Her approach involves parents narrating their actions—saying, for instance, “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that okay?”—and then pausing to observe the infant’s body language. By doing so, Carson suggests, parents introduce the concept of personal agency to children long before they can articulate it.
The goal, she argues, is to foster a two-way communication path. “Of course, a baby is not going to respond, ‘Yes mum, that is awesome, I’d love to have my nappy changed,’” Carson admitted during a televised interview with Australia’s ABC network. “But if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact, then you are letting that child know that their response matters.”
This perspective aligns with a broader movement in pediatric development that emphasizes responding to “active cues”—non-verbal signals such as coos, giggles, or specific movements. Proponents argue that involving babies in the process makes them aware, on some level, of what is happening to their bodies.
‘Left Lunacy’ and Professional Backlash
However, the pushback has been swift and severe. Critics argue that infants lack the cognitive maturity to grasp the concept of consent, and that framing a basic hygiene necessity as a choice is both confusing and dangerous.
Rowan Dean, editor of The Spectator Australia, dismissed the proposal as “lefty lunacy,” while John Rosemond, a prominent psychologist and parenting columnist, awarded Carson the title of “the Weird and Even Weirder for the Most Bizarre Idea of All Time.”
Writing in the Reno Gazette-Journal, Rosemond was blunt: “Once upon a time, and not all that long ago, a person who proposed that parents should ask infants for consent to change their diapers would be regarded by everyone except herself as deranged.” He further argued that Carson’s approach could lead to a “family culture of confusion, mistrust, denial and all-around dysfunction.”
A Social Media Firestorm
On social platforms, the reaction was equally volatile. Many users mocked the suggestion, pointing out the inherent biological reality of a crying infant.
“Pretty sure when a baby is crying due to the discomfort of a full diaper… that’s consent. In fact, I would go further and call it a demand,” wrote one observer. Another critic questioned Carson’s practical experience, stating, “This tells me she has no experience with kids whatsoever.”
The “cat litter” comparison became a recurring theme of the backlash. One X (formerly Twitter) user noted: “Do you need to get consent from your cat to change its litter tray? No. If it stinks, change it. Same with a baby.” Others raised more serious concerns, noting that leaving a child in a soiled diaper constitutes medical neglect. “Does this nut job believe in child abuse?” one user asked.
In Defense of Respect
Despite the outcry, Carson found a faction of supporters who argued that her intentions—if not her specific example—were sound. These defenders suggest that showing respect to a child’s body can do no harm, even if the child cannot yet understand the complexities of the conversation.
“I’m seriously shocked at the negative response,” one supporter wrote. “Babies and toddlers learn to communicate well before they can speak. What possible harm is there in showing respect?”
Others took a middle-of-the-road approach, agreeing with the sentiment of communication but questioning the extreme application. “I think she wants to encourage a conversation about consent amongst kids but has made a mockery of it by taking it to the extreme,” one commenter noted. “Babies can’t consent to anything. Ever. Their safety and survival needs are assumed.”
As the debate persists, the consensus remains that while mindful communication with infants is valuable, the specific mechanics of “asking permission” may remain a bridge too far for many. Ultimately, the decision to “ask” may simply reflect individual parenting styles—whether one views it as a way to cultivate a loving relationship or as an unnecessary complication to a standard chore.
What are your thoughts on the concept of seeking consent for diaper changes? Is it a forward-thinking way to teach body autonomy, or a bridge too far in modern parenting? Let us know in the comments.